And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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