MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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