Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
