i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
