apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
