Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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