Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
