id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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