God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
