i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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