never play flip cup with pint glasses
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
