I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
