i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
