She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
