i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
