highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
