you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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