She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
