these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
