so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They took my balls.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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