So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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