Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
