Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
