We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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