When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
