Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
