When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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