I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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