return my video game
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
