I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
