He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
