Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
