I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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