Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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