Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
