I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
