We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just blew my weed a kiss
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
