She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
