So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
