Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
