yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Four minutes until I can fart!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
