so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
