I don't usually arrange sex via text message
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
