Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
