I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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