I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
