I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
