i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
