you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
