Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
