I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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