my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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