i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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