Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
