Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
