no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
