i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
