i was born a porn star she said
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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