Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
